Someone recently asked me to share thoughts on how one grows. I thought it was a wonderful question, and it took me a while to form a well-connected answer. Below is an expanded edition of my thoughts on individual growth!

I believe there are two main ingredients required for a person to grow:

Ingredient 1: Self-awareness

Growth requires you to recognize that you are not perfect. You will likely feel very uncomfortable and imperfect. When you are aware of your current state and acknowledge gaps you might have, you can become open to the learning process.

Avoidance and denial are the antitheses of growth. If you want to grow, you must observe the gaps within yourself. Consider moments where you’ve felt embarrassed, afraid, or inadequate. What can you learn from them?

Also reflect on your foundation — your personal goals, your purpose, and what gives you energy. What’s keeping you from these things? How might you move toward them more? The answers to these questions will give you a signal regarding your growth areas.

Ingredient 2: Self-compassion

Growth often comes after major challenges. A wall you hit might be the catalyst for growth if you can have compassion for yourself. Do not beat yourself up about your imperfections. No one knows everything, and it’s impossible to be perfect! Your faults are mutable; they are opportunities for healthy change.

Also avoid comparing yourself to other people in a negative light. When you put others on a pedestal, you lose sight of their humanity and underestimate your own potential. The individuals you admire likely had to practice and grow to have the qualities you admire about them.

Instead of negative comparisons, look at the gaps between you and others as opportunities. What can you learn from them? Reach out to those individuals and ask them how they grew in ways you’d like to.

Through conversations with people you admire, you’ll find potential directions for your own personal growth. You’ll also likely build empathy for yourself. A lot of people berate themselves because they’re not where others are yet, when we are all very different people with different circumstances. Your growth path won’t look like anyone else’s because it can’t.

Growth mode activate ✨

I am most open to growth when I am aware of my gaps but also have compassion for myself. I believe this is the point where you can take actions that result in positive change. If you are reading this, you are likely already well on your way to growth. In fact, you’re probably growing right now!

Once you’re in growth mode, here are a few examples of things you might try:

Books to read

  • The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron
  • Radical Candor by Kim Malone Scott
  • 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Klemp
  • All About Love by bell hooks
  • The Wild Edge of Sorrow by Francis Weller

Classes to take

Other activities to try

  • Sit in a sauna for 20 minutes
  • Meditate for 10 minutes
  • Take a 30-minute walk with no distractions
  • Do 45 minutes of yoga
  • Go to a restaurant by yourself

Reflect on what you learn and follow what energizes you. Throughout this process, remember that your growth and your path is unique, even if your decision-making process occasionally overlaps with others’ like ours might have today. Good luck!

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